Lions and Tigers and McBeth - Oh my!

Someone said "McBeth." I'm pretty sure of it.
Chance said it was because someone told him "Good Luck' instead of "break a leg" - but what happened tonight was beyond the "good luck" curse. It was undoubtedly a Hamlet night.
I should have seen it coming when my curlers came out - and my hair fell limply into stringy, weak spirals. By the time the show started, those were just about gone too. Auntie Em fell backstage when her knee gave out, banging her head on the way down. It was before the show, but it shook her up pretty badly and her knee was hurt.
One person was late because their driver didn't get them there, and tension rose between her and one in charge. I passed them, to find the witch rubbing her head, shaking out pills to fight a migraine. The audience (all thirty of them) were happily waiting in the rows for the show to start, oblivious to the chaos backstage.
But it didn't take long to creep onto the stage. The costume changes went much faster tonight on all sides. But the backdrop began to fall backstage. I caught it with James and Annette, only to find the curtain was falling as well. Even on the steps, I couldn't reach the curtain to put it back in place so I had to trade with James.
The show went on.
All went well until the Tinman scene where Dorothy dancing with a tree (don't ask) collided with another tree and the scarecrow. The basket caught between them, gave a great "crunch" and shattered. It practically exploded. The handle snapped. The sides gave way. Apples and my picture of Auntie Em - that's actually a house in the snow- scattered underfoot.
I got most of them snatched up though it messed up the choreography. Then I slipped the basket off-stage when I got near the curtain where it was retired - well, forever, I suppose.
Which meant I had no doggy treats.
Toto decided to jump off the stage in protest.
A singing line or two was forgotten or flubbed.
Costumes unraveled.
My ruby slippers caught the curtain three times, trying to trip me and tore a section of tooling off an unsuspecting munchkin's skirt.
Despite the choas and constant fear that someone was going to end up in the hospital before the end of the show, we got through it, all recovering quite nicely. The audience seemed to enjoy the show. Some children didn't want to leave.
One boy who read "The Secret of Sentarra" wanted to know when the sequel was coming out...
La la la.
November. November I'm editing "The Captive" while writing "The King" and probably formatting (again) "The Calling". That's a lot of Erilerre so I'm suplimenting by also tackling writing "Flames."
Anyone interested in helping me proofread "Swing" speak now!
*Cricket's chirp*
Well... it was worth a try. I'm nearly finished with yet another editing round. I think I'm going to have to let that one sit for November and do the proofing in December.
Who would believe it's November again?
In four days - I'll be going home.
To my real home.

A Year Ago

One year ago, I was getting ready for my sister's wedding. Valerie was down. We had just moved to Palacios. I didn't know how long I'd be living in Palacios. I was editing the final proof of "The Calling."
So much has happened in a year.
I still miss Palacios, but I love being here with my grandparents. I love working in the theater again. And my books.
A year ago I was writing Swing and editing "Across the Distance." Now "Across the Distance" is published on Kindle and Swing is in the final editing stages. A year ago, I didn't know much about professional editing. I had no idea what HTML meant. I was just learning to format books on Word.
Now. I can look and say, "It's been a year. "The Captive" is still not edited. "Swing" and "Across the Distance" should have been published long ago. I haven't made much money on the books - in fact, I've put in more money than I've made.
A lot more.
Or I can say. Look how far I've come.
A year ago, I was depending on a publishing company to do what I didn't know how. I had no way of telling if their work was good or correct. In one year, I've learned that if I don't know something, I can learn it. I've learned that it's not as hard to get into the film industry as I thought. I've learned that if I write down that painful experiance of my past, it suddenly stops pleaguing me. I've learned to give people a chance to be themselves without prejudging them.
I've performed in plays. I've taught acting classes. I've learned to set goals and work toward them. I've learned that I can be anything I want, so long as I have the courage and grit to keep after it.
Every step of publishing my own work has had a steep learning curve with it - and I'm by no means an expert in editing, formatting for kindle, or laying out a physical page with InDesign. I've held a few book signings and set up my first book tour.
I'm no longer just the author. I'm the editor, the typesetter, the producer, the sales managers, the accountant, the secretary, the proof-reader and the cover designer all rolled into one. Some of these steps, I've had outside help with and want to get more - especially in the editing department.
But I've learned so much since a year ago. I've even learned enough to realize there's more I don't know.
So I keep plugging away, knowing that after I learn this stuff, things will go faster, smoother and I won't have to redo things over and over again. If I can get these books out - I can get any books out. My goal is to make every book better than the last.

Oct. 10 - Persistance

This weekend I went to a ranch for our family reunion. It was so much fun and I felt content and relaxed in a way I haven't in a long time. Except for a headache and some dizzy spells, I had no complaints the entire weekend.
Today, however, I'm home and it was supposed to be a jump back into routine day. My routine's been faltering the last few days. I was struck by this excerpt from "Goals!" from Brian Tracy and remembered it last night and this morning:
"Your greatest successes almost invariably come one step beyond the point where everything inside of you says to quit. Men and women throughout history have been amazed to find that their great breakthroughs came about as a result of persisting in the face of all disappointment and all evidence to the contrary. This final act of persistence, which is often called the "persistence text," seems to preceded great achievements of all kinds."
I think I'm there. My computer screen is going out on my laptop - so even with the rebooting required to fix it, was hard. Ryan said last night it wouldn't work - so not only have I lost whatever I did not back up on the hard drive before it was wiped clean - but now there's no system at all on it, even if the screen does decide to stop flickering and shaking.
So we tried plan B: Downloading "InDesign" to Pop's computer which is the one I am using right now. I found it for &75.00's and was happy about that. But Ryan said last night, there wasn't enough space on the computer to run the program. So now I have a program waiting to be downloaded and no where to download it to. My bank is lower than it's been since I was a teenager and first beginning to teach lessons. My job at the theater school is going to be a lot of work for a little pay.
I don't know what to do now and everything hinges on getting those books done. I've been reading about sentence styling and editing and now I'm wondering when in the world you should let the manuscript go and declare it "good enough".
The dizziness has become a rather constant companion and I'm not sure what's going on with it. I want to get motivated and I want to start working but at this point, I'm not even sure where to start or what to do next. I suppose I could start editing "Swing" again but... quite honestly, I'm sick of rereading manuscripts.

Oct. 5, 2011

This morning came too quickly. I woke at 6:30 - unlike yesterday, I didn't allow myself to go back to sleep - though I wanted to. I got up and spent longer than usual on my Bible, reading verses on obedience. It struck me that in the Old Testament when God's telling the Isrealites to take over the countries, drive out the inhabitance and destroy all signs of their idol-worship, it might be serving as a picture for us internally. When we confess our sins, it's not enough just to point them out to God. We have to remain alert and actively tear down or stop doing all traces of them if we want to live with an undevided heart and serve God.
Yesterday I listened to several sermons, one of which was on breaking the family curse. Looking at the traites in my life and my family, I concluded that a good majority of my problems stem from a spirit of fear.
I'm afraid to obey God because I don't know what he'll make me give up or do.
I'm afraid of what other people will think or say about me.
I'm afraid to try new things or embark on my own.
I got no writing or editing done yesterday but I got the kitchen cleaned really well and I spent a lot of time listening to sermons and praying and generally doing some internal cleaning as well.
Today, I woke and decided I could act on what I did feel God had told me to do - even if I was unclear in other areas. So I pulled up "Flames" - finding that when I erased the index cards, I erased the script that went with them. A few minutes of searching and prayers later, I found it. So now I have the characters and plot in one program and the script in the other. Since I'm writing out of order, I decided to move to a word document and just format the completed script into the program later so I don't mess stuff up.
But by the time I got all that done, I kind of forgot what I'd been planning to write. I wrote a bit. Now I'm sleepy again. Really sleepy.
I'm not sure what today will hold. I need to go over the music for class tomorrow with the kiddos. I would like to edit more of "Swing"... I need to see about installing the formatting software.
I'll probably have to go on a walk next just to wake up.

A Late Post

I woke at 6:30 from a rather disturbing dream about a drunk co-actor. I almost went back to sleep since comapany was here last night and I didn't fall asleep until after 1:00. But I pushed through it and found Pop making omlettes. I can't focus well enough to say everything I did. I'll have to put it later.
This is something I jotted on my 45 minute lunch break.

Lunch break with the Characters
I’ve got water boiling for tea that Jonathan would approve of and I’m heating beans to put on the salad. Yeah, I eat beans on my salad. Lance can stop looking horrified.
Kent is still teasing me over my battle not to give in to curiosity and waste $20.00’s and hour of time to see how in the world someone wrote a “Phantom of the Opera” video game. Somehow, he misses the glower of Erik who’s sitting silently in the corner. Erik hasn’t been around as much the last few years. Now he just blends in with the Sentarrian masters who are also fond of black cloaks and manipulation. Poor Tehvoer’s looking ill.
I’m contemplating the chances of getting up at 5:00 to have the maximum hours of uninterupted quiet. I’m not sure I can do it.
Andrew shrugs, muttering, “I do it. And I work in a factory all day.”
“Only for a while,” I defend.
“I do it too,” Karl, of course, jumps at a chance for arguing.
“Well, that’s…”
I glance around the room. Come to think of it, Kael’s usually up before dawn. Darshon gets up just before sunrise – which here is closer to 7:00 – and Erik has such weird hours, he doesn’t know when it’s night or day – and probably doesn’t care.
Tehveor, however, probably gets up and sleeps less than all of us put together – though he doesn’t say anything about it. Tehveor is very protective of his secrets – unlike some of my characters who can’t help but sob their stories.
Jonathan ducks and Karl just glares and tells me that’s my fault for writing him at 2:00 AM when I’m over-emotional.
It’s probably true so I don’t argue.
Jonathan makes no defense and Darshon smirks.
“Oh come on. I have to have SOME character that’s not up till the crack of dawn…”
I glance around the room. “Don’t I?” I have very industrious characters….
But from the back, Erik’s hand goes lazily up. I breathe a sigh of relief.
I feel better.
Kent has my Oz script and is making a mockery of the charecters, while Karl teases he’d make a great cowardly lion. Darshon’s smirking again. He is continually intrigued that when I stop writing and return to “real life” – I spend my evenings racing across a stage, talking to green yarn that’s serving as a fill-in for “Toto”, surrounded by painted scenes and other people who are pretending to be lions and monkeys and tin-men and talking scarecrows. Though yesterday half the cast was missing, so I was left talking to imaginary people for nearly the entire first act.
Afterwards, they said I was really good at it and I looked like I could really see them.
I can’t imagine why anyone would thinkI was good at talking to imaginary people…
Yesterday I left Jonathan so distressed meeting his future father-in-law, I thought I might try to draw on those emotions for the scene in the witch’s castle. After all, Jonathan is the character with the most luck that he would be the one to get dragged off by flying monkey’s and end up in a witch’s castle, even if he does live in modern-day America. Last night though, it didn’t work and I was closer to summing tears by staying Dorothy – even if the real Andrew says she’s a brat.
She’s not really a brat. She’s just bored.
Darshon and Karl understand.
In the meantime, Charles and Gabby are encouraging me to finish that salad. Charles says I’m restless and looking like Lance.
He no sooner says his son’s name, than Lance pop’s into the room, glancing around a mile a minute. I ask how Val’s doing and he says she’s studying all the time. He shudders, thinking of the books, while Andrew looks wistful like he’s really wishing he could go back to school.
Erik starts figiting, now that his brother is here. He’s glancing around the room, checking for all breakable objects and buttons that shouldn’t be pushed. You know, like fire alarms and emergincy exits.
Kael thinks both of those ideas are really good ones and should be implimented at once into the castle. Galaphy just glares. He’d probably figure out a way to trap people in the exits and make fire come from the spriklers.
Oh. I shouldn’t have said that. Erik’s perking up in the corner, glancing with intrigue at the man.
I’ll have to send someone over to remind Erik that he really doesn’t want to be bad…
Nobody volunteers so I summon Stephen and assign the poor man to the task – and set Karl as a bodyguard, temperarly relieving him of a bad heart – though I’m not even sure that combonation is a good one. Perhaps I should inquire about barrowing Felix from Jess, but Diana sends me a rather feirce glare.
Now I’m nearly finished with my salad. Charles is gently reminding me that I need to stay focused on my work. Darshon’s complaining about the line of books that I’ve put before the second “Secret of Sentarra” – though I think he really just doesn’t like being ignored.

I, Lindsey

Last night I began sketching out characters and outlining "Flames" and found that it wasn't as hard as I feared. Warrant, looking at it, it looks entertaining and somewhat effective, but not exactly a life-changing film. Still, I found that I had the basic story lines plotted last night before I went to sleep.
When I did fall asleep, I dreamed about it. I dreamed that I completed the script and somehow got it to the producers of "Fire Proof" and they were excited about producing it. I woke again, fell back asleep and dreamed about working on the set with the actors for it and acting in it. I woke and fell asleep again and dreamed of the story itself. Then that it was produced by a different group. All night long, I dreamed and woke and dreamed again and each time people were excited about it. I took it as a sign that I should write it and I wasn't imagining it.
So this morning I began to write. It came pretty easily. I wouldn't call it a masterpiece but things are shaping. I'm not sure all the right formatting but I'm doing the best I can. I'm just writing basic dialogue right now. Later on, I'll go in and flesh out scenes and scenery. I keep praying that God will show me what to write because I'm really not sure of what I'm doing or if I'm doing it right.
I did hit some bumps that made me stop but it's not a lack of knowing what needs to happen - it's that I need to research how it would realistically happen.
Still, it's kind of a weird place to be and amazing at the same time. I really can't imagine it taking off or even being produced but I know if God wants it to, He's going to do it.
My part is writing it, so that's what I'm going to do. After that, it's up to Him to do something with it or show me what to do with it.
Other than that I didn't make it to church. I was waiting for Lauren, but she didn't come. It was too late to go to the church we had planned so I thought I'd just drive down the street and go to the first one. Only I could only find Catholic churches and it was so late, they'd be half over anyway. I went home and worked some more on "Flames".
I took the day off. I really did. I only worked on stuff I wanted to. I ran the grammar check through "The Captive" and updated a chapter of "Come What May." I wrote out two scenes for Dorothy because I'm trying to find her thought processes behind what happens in the play. I have this funny idea that I need to create a realistic character who survives twisters and talks to scarecrows...
The more I edit, the more things I find I need to fix and the more I wonder what else needs to be fixed. Tomorrow I'm going to do a chapter in the HTML book and work on carefully doing a last read-through of "Across the Distance." In the afternoon, I'm hoping to work on reformatting "The Calling" - though I'm wondering if I should wait till I'm done with the HTML book and try to figure out whatever should be an easy fix instead of starting from scratch.
And somewhere in there, I need to do the research for "Flames." I need to find the legal procedure for a father who discovers a child he formally couldn't find, the requirements for becoming a volunteer firefighter, and something else that I can't remember at the moment....

Flames

I've never really had a story that I felt compelled to write that I didn't want to. Except "Flames." I've never started a story three times, only to abandon it, feeling scalded before it ever really got started. Except "Flames." I've never had a story lurk in the back of my mind, that can bring up such stormy emotions and even a terrified sort of panic - even when I feel like God is saying, "Write it and I'll produce it. This is your way in."
Is He really saying that? Is he truly telling me that if I write this screenplay, He's going to take it from my computer into the world and do big things with it? Or am I just feeling desperate to convince myself that I will be in filming someday while it seems like it's handing itself over to my cousin while it's eluding me? But if it was that - why is it "Flames"?
I can see the potential in Flames to help inspire churches and Christians. It's not a "reach a lost world" movie. In fact, it doesn't show the church in a very flattering light at all. But it shows it in a truthful one, touching on the universal fear of Christians to admit that they have problems in their lives. And to tear each other down over little things and disagreements.
But do I want to be associated and known for this type of story? It's like putting all my worst memories and fears onto the screen and projecting it to the world. It's not about me. It's not about my family. But there are some similarities - enough for me to fear what my family will say when they read it or others will surmise just what was based from my own experiences.
I'm the worst person in the world to tackle something like this. I'm not healed from it. I'm not even sure what the proper resolution would be.
Which makes me think even more that God is telling me to write this. God likes working through the worse choice for the job.
If he was going to heal me through writing this script, I'd write it. If he was going to heal others through it, I'd write it.
But what if he's not. What if I write it wrong? What if it's just needless torture that will escalate into something worse than I ever experienced?
What if he's not really telling me to write it?
But what if He is?
I wrote out some of the characters. I even plotted it, finding things falling into place. It looks - I'm not sure. Kind of like a Christian soap opera. I can sort of see how God might work through it but I don't see it having a "Fire Proof" effect on the world.
But if God said it...
But did he? If I spend my time on it, will He use it? It's half exciting and mostly terrifying.
I just don't want to get flamed by the people who watch it.
And I really can't imagine any of my writing really moving people on a large scale.
That seems something I think COULD happen but seems like just a cruel trick that will taunt me and never materialize.
Unless He said it.
But why me?