Flames

I've never really had a story that I felt compelled to write that I didn't want to. Except "Flames." I've never started a story three times, only to abandon it, feeling scalded before it ever really got started. Except "Flames." I've never had a story lurk in the back of my mind, that can bring up such stormy emotions and even a terrified sort of panic - even when I feel like God is saying, "Write it and I'll produce it. This is your way in."
Is He really saying that? Is he truly telling me that if I write this screenplay, He's going to take it from my computer into the world and do big things with it? Or am I just feeling desperate to convince myself that I will be in filming someday while it seems like it's handing itself over to my cousin while it's eluding me? But if it was that - why is it "Flames"?
I can see the potential in Flames to help inspire churches and Christians. It's not a "reach a lost world" movie. In fact, it doesn't show the church in a very flattering light at all. But it shows it in a truthful one, touching on the universal fear of Christians to admit that they have problems in their lives. And to tear each other down over little things and disagreements.
But do I want to be associated and known for this type of story? It's like putting all my worst memories and fears onto the screen and projecting it to the world. It's not about me. It's not about my family. But there are some similarities - enough for me to fear what my family will say when they read it or others will surmise just what was based from my own experiences.
I'm the worst person in the world to tackle something like this. I'm not healed from it. I'm not even sure what the proper resolution would be.
Which makes me think even more that God is telling me to write this. God likes working through the worse choice for the job.
If he was going to heal me through writing this script, I'd write it. If he was going to heal others through it, I'd write it.
But what if he's not. What if I write it wrong? What if it's just needless torture that will escalate into something worse than I ever experienced?
What if he's not really telling me to write it?
But what if He is?
I wrote out some of the characters. I even plotted it, finding things falling into place. It looks - I'm not sure. Kind of like a Christian soap opera. I can sort of see how God might work through it but I don't see it having a "Fire Proof" effect on the world.
But if God said it...
But did he? If I spend my time on it, will He use it? It's half exciting and mostly terrifying.
I just don't want to get flamed by the people who watch it.
And I really can't imagine any of my writing really moving people on a large scale.
That seems something I think COULD happen but seems like just a cruel trick that will taunt me and never materialize.
Unless He said it.
But why me?